


if we're talking body, you got a perfect one

by MsThing (Hieiandshino)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awesome Phasma, Choking, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominant Kylo Ren, Finalizer (Star Wars), Hux is Not Nice, Hux is So Done, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Kylo Ren Has Issues, M/M, Mild Kink, Phasma Ships It, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Power Bottom Hux, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Fantasy, The Force, Top Kylo Ren, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Wingman Phasma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 09:25:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13187154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hieiandshino/pseuds/MsThing
Summary: “Maybe you could find a better way for Ren to lose energy. You see, if he finds a better distraction, he won't…” She shrugs, an impressive feature to be done wearing a full-bodied armor.In which Phasma gives solid advice, Hux is oblivious as to what it means, Ren is ready to take the General apart in a sexy way and the Finalizer crew fears.(Unrevised work)





	if we're talking body, you got a perfect one

**Author's Note:**

> _Star Wars_ does not belong to me.
> 
> This story happens after _The Force Awakens_ but before _The Last Jedi_. There is a part of this story that was based on a B99 scene.
> 
> The title comes from the song "Talking body", by Tove Lo.
> 
> This is an unrevised work and English is not my mother language, so I'm sorry for the mistakes.

“Maybe.” Captain Phasma starts, slowly. “You, sir, could turn the tables on Ren.”

General Hux sighs, rubbing his temples. Every time someone says Ren's name he feels a headache blossoming, almost like a curse itself. Today, he has not only killed two Stormtroopers but also destroyed half of the equipment on medbay when someone told him he should lay down for a while.

“And how am I supposed to do this, Phasma?” Hux asks. He can almost see his reflection in her chromed armor, if not a little distorted. _How does she keep it so pristine?_ he wonders as he observes her, waiting for her answer. It's one thing he admires in her the most: how she is always capable of taking care of her armor without look like a great deal.

Phasma should teach Ren how to do that. And how to be a professional. And how to be an adult. And how not to ruin important equipment when they are on this ship for a reason. And how to not kill his own Stormtroopers. And how—

 _Perhaps Ren is on our side on purpose, on a mission to the Resistance_ , Hux thinks. _His main job is to be utterly useless and delay everything we do._

It could work. It was working. Hux makes a mental note to investigate his data logs.

“Well,” Phasma says after a long pause. She stops herself again and Hux lifts an eyebrow, confused. “Maybe you could find a better way for him to lose energy. You see, if he finds a better distraction, he won't…” She shrugs, an impressive feature to be done wearing a full-bodied armor.

Hux frowns at the idea. “It could work. He was invested in finding Skywalker for so long and spend enough time away from the Finalizer to do it.” Hux muses. “The problem is that he never listens to my orders and would not truly invest himself on any mission I could give him.”

“I didn't mean like that, sir.” Phasma says hurriedly and Hux stops thinking about possible missions.

“What were you thinking, then?”

She hesitates once again. “Perhaps you could help in distracting him.” Something on her voice is very strained, as if it pained her to say something like that. “You do need a distraction too, sir.”

“Why? I'm not destroying precious equipment and useful men!”

“You are... A little over the edge.”

“I am perfectly fine, Phasma. You are being ridiculous.”

She sighs.

Phasma _sighs_.

Hux frowns at her for a long moment and when he opens his mouth to ask what was that about, she gets up and asks permission to leave.

.

Hux never forgets. Well, he does. When he is particular drunk on some particular wine or if it's his mother's birthday, but never when he is on duty. He always remembers everything. So, when he next sees Kylo Ren, he thinks of his conversation with Phasma.

 _A distraction_ , he thinks as he stares the man walk around hunched over himself, threatening his officers. He is sitting in his chair, reading reports from gamma shift. _A distraction for Ren and I._

Ren stops talking all of sudden and straightens his back. His head turns to stare at Hux so fast he wonders how did Ren not have whiplash. Hux frowns.

“What is it, Ren?”

The man does not answer, only breathes more heavily under his mask.

Hux stares at him for a long moment before he turns his eyes to the reports, feeling Ren's heavy stare on him.

.

 _What Ren and I have in common?_ , he asks himself one night when he is ready to get a few hours of sleep.

They are almost the same age and they both want the First Order to succeed. More than that, they both have this need to be acknowledged by the Supreme Leader, almost as if he were their father. _Ugh, that's a nightmare-inducing thought right there_ , he thinks.

Hux sighs. _What Ren and I could do together to distract each other?_

Perhaps a joint mission? A common goal? The girl and the pilot and the Stormtrooper? Phasma would enjoy this mission too, he guesses. It could be something that would bring them together the pillars of the First Order, it—

Someone bangs on his door and Hux jumps at the sound. He gets up from his bed and moves in the dark with the same efficiency he would if the lights were on.

When he opens his door, Kylo Ren is there, walking from one side to the other, breathing heavily.

“What—” Hux starts, but is cut off by Ren's voice.

He sounds strangled. “Your thoughts.” It's all he says. Hux quickly understands.

“Have you been listening to them? Again? How many times have I told you to not do this? Ren, it’s a simple thing, it cannot be so bloody difficult to—”

Kylo Ren doesn't answer. They stare each other for a while before he says: “You— I— _You—_ ”

Ren stops himself and only stares. After a moment, Hux feels his head grow heavy. He flinches and takes a step back. “What are you—?”

Ren leaves.

.

His officers are happier. Hux did not rise to his post as General for being observant, so he soon notices the change in his officer’s moods as they pass next to him or work under his orders. The tension in the air has cleared, somehow, and even the Stormtroopers seem to feel safer inside the Finalizer.

Hux is not.

He is mostly annoyed and a little bit confused. Yes, Kylo Ren stopped breaking important equipment. Yes, Kylo Ren did not force choked anyone in a few days. Yes, Kylo Ren is not hovering near his officers and breathing heavily in that unsettling way. However, Kylo Ren does. Not. Stop. Staring. At. him.

Ren is not subtle. He could never be, when he has a mask so big that forces him to turn his head every time he looks at someone. He stares at Hux when they are near each other, ever since he came that night to Hux and caused him a headache as he entered his thoughts. Messy and dangerous, Hux told Supreme Leader Snoke, who found curious that Ren would use so much force to enter an untrained mind like Hux’s, which offended Hux a little by the way Supreme Leader talked about him and his mind.

 _This oaf_ , he thinks as he plainly ignores Ren in favor of some meaningless news about ranks on the First Order. A boy that went with him to the Academy just got promoted after he successfully stopped a rebellion on Ibaar. An impressive feature and all he got from it was a small scar on his face. In Hux’s opinion, he became a lot more attractive than he already was, what is kind of unfair, really. He enlarges the image to see him better. The way he smiles to the camera, only one eye open now makes Hux remember he did masturbate once thinking of this boy, when he was much younger and much more confused. _If we had time, we could offer support to his troops_. It’s a highly unprofessional thought that arouses Hux more than it should. These little fantasies of himself doing something unprofessional for the sake of a good fuck are always his favorite, even though they’ll never be—

The screen of his device suddenly cracks and Hux has to throw it away on the floor as it explodes on his hand. He feels eyes around him as he looks around for Ren in particular, but he is no longer there.

.

“I see you accepted my advice.” Phasma says when they are alone once again.

Hux scoffs at her. “Ren is still insufferable.”

“Yes.” She says, her tone indicating she is having fun. “But he has stopped destroying things.”

“For how long?” Hux asks. “For how long will he stay this well-behaved?”

“As long as you want—”

“Ha!” Hux scoffs. “He is using me as a distraction, that is sure, but we both know he tends to get bored easily.”

“Sir, if I may speak freely.”

“Aren’t you right speaking freely right now?”

“Sir.”

Hux sighs and nods. He threads his fingers through his hair, messing it up, as he waits for whatever it is Phasma will tell him. His eyes fall on the last drawer of his desk, where a perfectly good Hosnian wine is hidden for special occasions, since it’s now as rare as people capable of using the Force.

“I don’t think he will ever get enough of you. He might l—”

“That is just great!” Hux says, just thinking about Ren not getting tired of him takes away his will to live. “What a joy, to be played with for the rest of my life by an overgrown toddler who keeps trying to blow my devices in my face.”

“What?” The confusion in Phasma’s voice is so palpable it scares Hux for a moment.

“What? Did you not hear? He blew up my device on my face— _What?_ ”

Phasma stares at him for a long moment before storming out of the room without asking him to be excused. Not that she needed, but. _Rude_.

.

Half of the reason why Hux is an insomniac is the fact that he cannot simply sleep. His mind likes to play tricks on him and when he is on the verge of falling asleep, he reaches a conclusion that leaves him awake for the rest of the night. It was like this how he found the solution for Starkiller, for example.

Today, his conclusion is not about weapons that will turn the tides and kill billions of people. Unfortunately. The conclusion is from Phasma’s confusion on their conversation and her outburst. Both were obviously talking about different things related to Ren. What was her conclusion is another story and Hux soon realizes she was talking about something in specific when they first had this conversation and she suggested something to distract Ren with.

 _What could it be_ , he wonders as he gets up and decides to revise some of his speeches because it is not likely he will sleep anytime soon.

.

The answer comes to him on the other day, as he is on the bridge and Ren pass by him. He remembers the way he broke his device as he stared at a man Hux would gladly let himself get fucked by and—

“Where is Phasma?” Hux says, louder than necessary, rushing out the words. “Where” And he starts screaming. “Is. _Phasma_?”

Officer Mitaka starts fumbling on his keyboard, sweat already dripping on his chin. “Uh, she is overseeing training—”

“ _Get her in my office!_ ” Hux shrieks. He _shrieks_ , red-faced and storming out of the room. “Now or you will not have to worry about Ren ever again, because I will destroy this ship myself!”

A droid beeps near him as the door closes. From inside the bridge, they can hear the sound of its poor body being crushed by General Hux’s boots. Then, its last sound as it is shot down by him.

And then the bridge starts to run madly to get Phasma as fast as possible.

.

Phasma looks rather bored when she sits down in his office, even though when one of the officers on the bridge called her, he was weeping in terror.

“Ren and I?” Hux asks, voice already high enough to break a glass. “ _Ren and I?_ ”

She stays silent for as long as she can, but soon her shoulders start shaking as she laughs. It is so bad Phasma has to take her helmet off to breathe properly.

.

Forty minutes later, Hux still is screaming.

“ _Ren and I?_ How dare you, Captain Phasma. I am _your superior officer_! Don't ever speak to me like that _again_!”

.

There is a crowd behind General Hux’s door. They are all frightened and considering what the consequences would be if they were caught listening in to two superior officers conversations, however—

“Ren. And I. Are you listening to yourself? “REN AND I? My relationship with Ren is extremely professional, I’ll have you know. Also, it must be forbidden in at least fifty planets to have sexual intercourse with a child in a man’s body, also _Ren and I? Are you insane? Ren. And. I? Ren AND I?!_ ”

.

Ren is, to put it mildly, highly amused. “And here I thought I was considered the most dangerous of our co-commandership.”

Hux, who is running the ship from inside his room for the moment, only glares at Ren. He looks smug even underneath the mask and the armor. The way he leans in against his door, opened with the Force, arms folded against his chest make Hux want to open fire and only stop when there is nothing left.

His breath picks up and Hux tries to contain the thrill of knowing Ren would like that sort of violence. “They ought to know—” Hux says, grinding his teeth, “—who they should truly fear.”

“Yes.” Ren’s voice is thick with want. He enters the room and the sound of the door closing against him makes Hux hard. “You are the most formidable General on the First Order for a reason, are you not?”

“This is highly unprofessional, Ren.” He shifts on his seat at the thought, holding back a whimper. Somehow, Ren seems to notice the sound that never left his body, and he crashes against the desk, hand against Hux’s throat, holding him there.

“ _Yes_.”

“Ren.”

The man squeezes his throat with his one hand. The leather of his gloves scratches the sensitive skin of his neck and Hux moans, not afraid. Something else. He licks his lips before biting it and Ren throws the desk between them against the wall. Hux is so far gone he does not even reprimand him.

.

The next day, Captain Phasma enters the main deck with orders to substitute both Kylo Ren and General Hux for the day. There is a moment of silence before she receives a standing ovation from all the officers on shift.

She humbly accepts the applause.

**Author's Note:**

> I have been on this fandom for two years, lurking in the shadows, but it was _The Last Jedi_ 's unhealthy relationship that got me into writing here. I have at least three stories that I started of this ship, but could not finish. They are very angsty and filled with myth and pain, but of course the first humorous one I think I finish in a day.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed! If you guys have anything to tell me or ask me, my [inbox](http://nightmareduringxmas.tumblr.com/ask) is always open for questions and requests! <3
> 
> PS: Kylo didn't tell Hux, but Snoke totally knows and he's fine with it.


End file.
